How to have Amazing Kids - Free Ebook article on discipline problems

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D is for Discipline
Make the punishment fit the crime.
Never discipline in anger.

Disciplining your children is not as hard as you might think.
By keeping it simple, it works every time. What do I mean
by that? Simple. NO means NO, and YES means YES.
Good behaviour is REWARDED and bad behaviour is
NOT rewarded.
Now, what can be simpler than that?
It's just called good old fashioned common sense.

Parents are busy people today and want their discipline problems answered quickly and easily. So what's the answer? Simply put, it means that children need direction and not long explanations. In the back-to-basics parenting days, parents didn't bother with long explanations. They disciplined their children by having them do hard work, standing them in the corner to think about being good and withdrew privileges. This same principle should apply today. The kids will get the message sooner to behave well and everyone will enjoy each other's company much better. Take my advice, apply it, be consistent and you will quickly have well-behaved children who will make you proud parents. Remember Parents…you are in charge, your children MUST obey you. Never relinquish this to your children.

Here are my 3 simple rules for disciplining your children.

1.         Make clear to your kids your expectations.
2.         Make sure they obey them.
3.         Punish your kids when they disobey you.

Parents make sure you are always consistent. Forget any longexplanations. And above all, practice what you preach. Never go back and relent to your kids. Why? You will give your kids mixed messages and they will think that if they whine enough and wear you down, you will give in to them. Patience and perseverance work every time.

A Note to Parents about the difference between discipline and child abuse:

I don't believe in spanking children, but remember parents, some children respond to spanking and some don't, it depends entirely on the makeup of your children and you will have to be the judge. Parents know their children best and this is an individual decision based on the individual child who needs to be disciplined. Spanking your children with a loving gentle pat on the bum to get their attention when your child/children will NOT obey you, is acceptable, and will work in most cases. If it does not, then I would recommend that parents find a corner in the hall or kitchen where the child cannot do anything else but stand in the corner and think about being good.

Don't send your children to their rooms where all their toys are.

Child abuse is where a child is punished in anger, spanked extremely hard on the behind or hit on the body, face or head. This is NOT disciplining your children. What your children will learn from you instead, is that it's all right to hit in anger and this is NOT what you want your children to learn.

Set the example parents, and discipline your child the 'right' way. Read on for my examples.

Here are a few examples of 'disciplining' your child/children the "right way".

Let's say your two year old is acting up when Grandma comes for a visit. Your child is not respectful when Grandma is talking and constantly misbehaves by not being quiet. Your child is being disrespectful to an adult. It's time for you to act. What do you do? Say to your child, "Grandma is talking now, please be quiet". If your child continues to act up, you remove your child to his bedroom and shut the door. If your child cries, let him cry for about five minutes and then bring your child down again to visit. If he continues to interrupt Grandma, follow the same procedure once more or stand him in the corner to think about being quiet when an adult is speaking. I know this may try a parents patience, but your child will never learn quickly if you run out of patience and give up. Be consistent and practice it until your child understands to be quiet when an adult is speaking. There will be time for them to talk; but what you are trying to teach your child is not to monopolize everybody's time by constantly talking or interrupting an adult when they are speaking. This is a time to teach your daughters to become ladies and your sons to become gentlemen as well as becoming good listeners.

Here's another example. You are relaxing and watching your children at play. All of a sudden one of your kids hits the other or pulls another's hair or whatever, but it is a mean or violent thing he or she is doing to another child. Time for you to act again. Say to the child who has done the mean deed, "Billy, you are not allowed to hit Susie. It is not a good thing to do". If Billy asks, "Why?", Answer simply but firmly, "We are nice to each other. We do not hit each other. Please say you are sorry to Susie for hitting her". If Billy cannot stop being mean, you remove him from the room and stand him in the corner to think about not hitting anyone. What are you trying to teach him? Simple. You are teaching him to get along with people, especially family members. There are no excuses whatsoever for violent behaviour. Explain to your children you will not tolerate it. Wise parents will nip this in the bud right away at the very early stages of your child's life so it will not become a habit as your child grows older.

Another example. Your children are watching television and an argument breaks out. You have approved several TV programs but they cannot agree on which one to watch. The kids refuse to co-operate with one another and each child is selfish and wants to watch their own program. No one will compromise. They snatch the converter from each other to change back to their programs. Fighting and constant noise is the result. They cannot solve the problem amongst themselves. You have listened patiently hoping they would work it out. Obviously they cannot. By this time you have had enough. It's time to act. What do you do? Simple. You take the converter off your children. You tell them to be quiet. You tell them they have a short time to decide what they wish to watch on television together. If they cannot agree, then the TV will stay off. If they agree but arguing starts up again, turn the TV off and tell the kids it will not be turned on until they decide upon one program that they will all enjoy watching together. If you are consistent and stick to your rules, your kids will soon get the message that they must earn the privilege of watching TV. What are you teaching your children? You are teaching them to negotiate with each other on which program to watch together. You are also teaching them to co-operate and communicate with each other. And lastly, you are teaching them to be gracious and to compromise with each other. You could also allow them to take turns on selecting what to watch. Tell your children not to worry, because Mom and Dad will be fair and will make sure they get their turn. Don't let things get out of hand with TV rules. Parents stick to your rules, and make sure you are fair with your children about getting their turns at picking the program they wish to watch. This will result in a much more relaxing and delightful viewing time with your kids.

Disciplining your children should be ongoing. Don't forget the parents are the ones who make and enforce the rules. You are in charge and in control. Never ever relinquish that to your children.

Never discipline in anger. It is counterproductive and will solve nothing. Always try to use a gentle, calm voice and keep your rules simple and easy to follow. Most children do not respond well to lengthy explanations and you will get nowhere fast. Never hit or slap your children ever. Remove them to their rooms, stand them in the corner to think about being good, take away TV privileges and your kids will quickly learn that they must follow your rules. They will also learn quickly that there are many rewards when they are good and no rewards when they behave badly. It's simple. Let them make the choice of being good or bad and then reward and punish them accordingly.

It's best to let your children know from as early as age 2 what the house rules are. Also let your kids know that some rules you make are non-negotiable such as what time you expect them to be home. Always be clear and consistent on disciplining your kids so they will not be confused. The first ten years of your child's life are very important as far as teaching them all the important things that they need to know and carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Don't become discouraged if things don't work out right away. Be patient, but be persistent. Over the long haul, most children will respond to loving discipline.

# # #

From Barbara Joy Clarke, Author/Educator and World's #1 Parenting Expert

"Parents have told me they want clear-cut guidance to raise their children. I have taken all your needs into consideration, and that's why I wrote my self-help parenting guidebook in an easy A-Z format for parents to understand and follow. My self-help guide will help you solve your parenting problems quickly and easily. After all, that's what today's busy parents need and want. It's my pleasure to provide parents with a quality and valuable parenting resource that helps simplify your life. Enjoy your children!"

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